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    Dating midlife questions

    If you’re ready to make a few waves and sharpen your dating skills among the age 45 demographic, I’ve got all the help you need from professional matchmaker Carmelia Ray of Myx TV’s The Asian-American-centric 24/7 network is available on satellite and cable. First remember that as we age, we may be a bit more cautious and protective about dating, she says. Be really conscious of your photo, since it’s the first thing people see. Guys, remember that women think most of the photos men post online are a turn-off. Not everyone you like may have the same tenacity as you, so if you get rejected it’s probably not so much about you as about them. Try not to be overwhelmed with so many choices, and maybe, so few responses that fit your criteria. Make the profile really clear about who you are and the kind of person you’re looking for. Many men won’t read a woman’s profile, so gals—don’t expect them to “come to you.” Set aside time to do your own searches and enter your own criteria so you’re not just in response mode. Online dating may not be your only ticket to a wonderful partnership.

    “Millennials connect immediately on their phones and are at Starbucks an hour later to check out their prospective new partner.”That is fast. The number of “no” responses you get puts you closer to that “yes” you really want. This is a learning process so give yourself an opportunity to discover things along the way. That way, someone who’s not in line with you will disqualify themselves. If it all gets to be too much for you, hang in there knowing that most people who are single never expected to be.

    At a certain age, we think we know what’s what about dating. On the show, Carmelia stays her expert course against mothers who think they know best as she seeks the ideal match for their currently matchless kids. They don’t, however, love men who are arrogant, boastful or egotistical: Humility is attractive. Men may not love a profile photo of a woman with “super cleavage,” which leaves nothing to the imagination.

    Then again, maybe we don’t if we’re a new fish in the sometimes turbulent dating tank. I asked her to weigh in here with tips for readers. If you communicate and haven’t met in one to two weeks, move on. It gives the impression she’s leading with her physical appearance. Tell a really great story about you, one that’s expressive and reaches out to the person you want to attract. Try speed dating, networking, special interest groups, social clubs, classes, lessons and more.

    I prefer to have doors opened when I get into a car.

    In today’s world, that rarely happens when all you have to do is push a button on your fob touch the handle of the door to unlock the car.

    I will be interested if other midlifers have had the same experiences that I have had, or if they have found those men that are still old-fashioned enough to date as their Mama’s taught them.

    My fantasy is that every keyfob that can unlock the doors to a car when you are walking up with your date don’t work.

    The worry can increase as midlife nears, thanks to our culture's negative messaging associated with getting older.

    I realize that I might be generalizing in my list of wants and dreams vs.

    what’s truly going on, but this is based on my encounters.

    At any age, it really what's inside that counts. You can't control the cards you're dealt, but you control how you play the game—or, in this case, how you play the field. The chances are high that someone, at some point, has made you feel rejected or just "not good enough." The problem is, if you hold onto the past instead of focusing on the present, you can get stuck seeing the defeats as permanent truths. Research indicates that self-perceived attractiveness predicts success in romantic relationships.

    This knowledge can be an empowering reminder, especially when that afore-mentioned doubt does emerge: nothing's "wrong" with us or really standing in the way of our romantic "success." It just takes a bit of extra courage, sometimes, to get back in the dating game. In general, people with high-perceived controllability of their emotions and experiences are more motivated to overcome roadblocks, trusting that they have the power to bring about the shifts they want. When you catch yourself resenting the end of an old relationship, recognize that you have the option to dismiss the stale memory in pursuit of new joy, and you'll enable yourself to more authentically pursue the love you crave. That's because the better you feel, the happier you are, and people are attracted to that positive energy.

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